I get a bit nervous when I think about going to Gombak for my degree. The thought of meeting new people (students and lecturers), getting familiar with a new place and learning new things intimidates me. But at the same time it’s rather exciting. I will actually be doing something and I’m lucky because it is something I genuinely enjoy. I’m telling you, after more than two months of being at home, I really miss going to classes.

Over a year ago when I started my foundation studies, I remember feeling almost overwhelmed at the thought of starting fresh. More than anything I was afraid of meeting new people and making friends with them. Those who stick with me throughout the year know exactly how awkward I was (and most probably am). The day before the registration, I wrote down a note on my phone. It was more of an advice for myself and I said; “It’s okay if you are nervous. A lot of people are, some just hide it better than the others.” Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but it’s a good advice.

Knowing that I was not alone, that thousands of people were going through the same thing I was, that we were all in it together, it gave me some peace. There wasn’t any need to put myself down or put myself on a pedestal because each one of us was pretty much in the same boat. It was nothing more but an experience shared with other people, and it was the most normal thing in the world too. I was going into uni, what else did I expect to happen?

And this is not that different. In fact, it shouldn’t be as hard as last time. I’m going to see my friends that I have known for a span of one year and more, I’m going to learn things that I have, at least, the most basic understanding of and there’s a lot of possibilities in front of me. It’s honestly exciting.

I pride myself of how much growth and progress I have made throughout the year. Having that opportunity to start fresh with no judgement, no expectation from other people was a big part of it. I was able to be whoever I wanted because most of these people didn’t know me prior to uni. I didn’t have to carry that shame my past-self had been hoarding for the longest time. I was given a bit of freedom to push the reset button. However, I admit that I still have some of my bad habits and probably developed some new ones too. Hopefully September comes and slowly erases them as time goes by.

What do I look forward to?

I look forward to learning new things. I’m taking two literature subjects this semester (Novel, and Drama & Poetry) and people who were stuck with me last semester most probably know how hyped I am about it. I’m not gonna lie, there’s a part of me that is terrified of flunking but the bigger part is telling me to give myself a chance to enjoy the learning process. Don’t let fear ruin it.

I look forward to meeting and knowing new people. This is probably the thing that I am most scared of but also curious about. I met a lot of great people in my life and I can’t wait to meet some more. People are so different, man, and each of them has something to teach us in the most beautiful ways. Lecturers in particular are so interesting with their teaching styles, preferences and quirks. It’s going to be tough figuring them out but the thought of it kinda makes me smile to myself.

I look forward to more ‘projects’. I like to categorize the stuffs that I want to do into ‘projects’ because it makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile with my time. My ego is very fragile, guys. I need to make up a whole different character or persona to support her.

There is one project that I am almost done with and I call it ‘The 80-word Project’. Basically I post an 80 word essay (almost) everyday to my Instagram stories (@_nikfateen) and each day of the week is their own little story. That is why my InstaStory Highlights are separated into days because when you view it there, you can read one short story for each day. I’m not saying they’re any good, but they’re fun to write. I only have one more round to go and I can’t wait to finish it.

Another project is my other Instagram account (@cold_nik) where I post my drawings or paintings. I don’t know why but I felt the urge to make a separate account just for that. I guess a part of me thinks that I will be able to focus on it a bit more now that it’s a completely different thing. Well, I was wrong because no matter what I do, I’m still lazy. And I can’t draw that well, so motivation is a bit lacking there.

So yeah, those are some projects I’m sort of working on among others that I will not say because I’m pretty sure I’m not getting it done. Someday, maybe.

These things make me happy, you know? Having things to do and look forward to. It puts a bit of meaning into my mundane life and it gives me something to focus my energy on when I wake up in the morning (ehem, try noon). I’ve rambled on enough for this one and I’m just gonna end it by wishing everyone good luck.

­-Nik.