The last entry was over two months ago.
Yikes. I honestly don’t have one specific thing that I want to talk about,
especially because it has been quite some time and I have a few things in my
head. So get ready for some shitposting.
I’ve been home for way too long and I may or
may not have been productive during quarantine. I’m the kind of person who
needs to have plans for the day or things I want to do in a certain period of
time or else I’ll find myself in a weird headspace. Yeah, being productive
makes me happy. It gives me a sense of achievement even though it may have been
a minuscule task. I’m simple like that.
One of the things I did was I made a new
Twitter account. @nikfateen_ if you wanna follow me for more shitposts,
misspelled tweets and occasional threads. My relationship with Twitter has been
very rocky. I probably had my first account when I was 12, stopped using it for
awhile after that, used it again (very actively, might I add) from late 2014 to
early 2016. I thought I deleted the old one but I found it on the same day I made
a new account and deleted it as fast as I could. Man, high school me was angry.
I understand why she was, but… bro. Personally, I don’t like ranting about
personal things publicly and my old Twitter was full of that.
Okay, the irony is not lost on me. I’m
aware I’m writing a blog right now. What I meant is, I don’t like subtweets.
You know, the kind of rant-y thing that’s actually meant for one person but now
the whole world knows about it? I used to hate it when people do that, I
found it childish. I still kinda do now, but I can’t care less what people do
on their social media as long as they’re not hurting anybody.
Twitter is a weird fucking place, by the
way. I have never seen a platform where two opinions can’t have been any more
polar opposites. And miraculously they always find each other. Twitter fights?
Not a fan. I do read them, though. I just don’t say anything cause most of the
time I can see both points and I think somewhere in the middle is the right answer.
That doesn’t apply to everything, of course.
One of the best things about Twitter in my
opinion is definitely the threads. Some of the most informative things are
there, and they’re a lot easier to read. It’s entertaining. But I know I gotta
watch what I consume from it cause some people are very angry on Twitter, and I
don’t wanna be angry.
I can’t think of any segue so let’s just
jump right into it.
I like who I am now. I don’t think I ever
thought that about myself. There have been some small changes about me and they’re
mostly good things.
Like for a very long time, I only wear
black or dark colour clothes. You know, keeping up with the ‘I’m not like other
girls’ bullshit? Then it got to a point where I wasn’t confident wearing
lighter colours cause I don’t think they would suit me, or that other people
would find it weird. My mother found it a bit odd. My ‘fashion’ in high
school and CFS were similar; very monochromatic, wore a lot of jubah. I’m not
knocking on jubah or baju kurung, don’t get me wrong. Power to you if you love
them. The thing with me was that I preferred those cause then I wouldn’t have
to think about an outfit. And I didn’t have pretty clothes. A lot of them are very
plain. If you look into my closet right now, you’d find 6 of the same shirts in
different colours.
Somewhere between CFS and degree, I think,
I wanted to buy more clothes and last semester I had the urge to buy blouses with
flower patterns. Cause I like flowers. And I like pastel. Hell, one of my
favourite colours now is soft pink. 14 year old me would’ve thought that a
crime. Anyways, I bought two blouses with flower patterns. I also bought a soft
pink sweatshirt. And a soft pink tudung. Seperately. I don't have that kinda
money.
And I remember that every time I wear softer
colours or anything with flowers, my friends would point it out. In a good
way. I’d say they complimented me but I don’t wanna sound too vain lol. But
yeah, it feels good. It feels good to know that I don’t have to worry about ‘changing
my fashion sense’ or whatever. My friends are really kind.
My friends are also kind when I posted a
picture of me on raya. If you know nothing about me, well hello there, I hated having
my pictures taken. Well, it still makes me kind of uncomfortable cause I’m not
used to it but I’m making some slow progress. I like IG filters now, make me
look cute.
Yall just gotta be patient with me tonight,
I’m feeling soft and maybe a little sleepy.
I’ve been dabbling in a few different
things too. I’m now one of the content writers for Clairvoyance IIUM. When I
was interviewed, it was through a phone call and I was very nervous cause it
felt very formal and professional but thankfully the person interviewing me was
super kind and chill. I actually enjoyed the whole process. Really looking
forward for more writing projects.
Speaking of writing, I’m also trying my luck
in editing and proofreading. And it’s been surprisingly good! I haven’t done a
lot obviously, but I’m proud to say I’ve had people from different
universities requesting for my service and they all seem to be satisfied with my
work. Which is very uplifting and motivational to know cause I don’t think I
have the qualifications to be a professional yet so this is a good training to
have and I always try my best to do my job. People have been kind too! (I am
blessed with good people around me) I never thought I would feel comfortable communicating
to strangers in an almost professional way and putting myself out there like
that but so far so good.
This has been long but I wanna talk
about one last thing. I’ve also uploaded a few videos on YouTube of me talking
about books in general. I still don’t show my face, no, that’s too much effort
for a lot of reasons. My latest video was me talking about and reciting poems
that I wrote for my crush (click here if you wanna cringe to death). It’s been
fun, so if you want to check them out, be my guest. I was really into having a
place to talk about what I like and it feels like a decent place to do it.
So yeah, this has been me simping over
myself for the last hour. I hope you simp over yourself too. Have a good night.
-
Nik.