I just got back from joining the committees
for Taaruf Week session 19/20, under Special Task (SpecTa) and boy, did I have
a wonderful time. I actually joined TaWe because I missed that feeling of being
busy and working with a team for a programme. I thought maybe I could be a part
of something even though it was already at the end of my foundation year so I
signed up for TaWe.
I’m not gonna lie, I was actually really
nervous to meet my teammates because I know I’m not good with people, I’m an
awkward little bean, so the thought of having to work with new people scares me.
But I got so damn lucky. So screw the word ‘teammates’ because we are a
family now.
It really is amazing how fast it took me to
be comfortable with all 10 of them despite not knowing most of them prior to
TaWe. Credit goes to our Head Bureau for introducing us to the game of Mafia,
because I believe we started to bond on that. I forgot who said this but
someone gave an advice to always participate in things. There is only regret in
not being a part of something. And I know it sounds silly, but I’m glad everyone
participated and that we played Mafia that night and everyone joined in
pointing fingers at each other. Mafia became our thing, an inside joke.
I’m glad SpecTa is a small team of only 11
people. I’m glad I had the chance to work with and get to know them. Each and
everyone of them has at least one thing they have that nobody else does.
That one thing that makes them special and unique and guys, if you’re
reading this, I hope you never change who you are and never lose that thing
that makes you so incredibly you. Also, shout out to our advisors for helping us
out with everything, for their guidance and for staying up late until 3 a.m.
and cracking jokes despite the hour. I genuinely couldn’t have asked for a more
perfect Family.
Honestly, ‘luck’ doesn’t even scratch the surface
of how incredibly fortunate I am. This is God’s work.
Going back to the advice of being
participative, I just want to say that to participate does not only mean to put
yourself there. Anybody can do that. To participate is to give a bit of
yourself, to open up to others and to be a little vulnerable. It
is about making the place or event or people feel closer to you, feel a little
like home because there is a part of yourself there.
Now let’s talk about work. When handling a
big program with almost 200 committees and 10 different bureaus, it is near
damn impossible to not butt heads with each other but that’s just normal. Sometimes
people don’t do their job right, they forget certain things and they
accidentally neglect others in crucial moments and if I am to give myself an
advice, let it go. Don’t hold on to that anger. If I remember well, a lot of the
times when I got into an argument with others especially during programs back
in high school, it was because I got angry at them for not being perfect. So really, the fault is on me.
I’m not saying people shouldn’t be held accountable
for their responsibilities, I’m just saying that maybe I should’ve looked at
myself first. What could I have done to help the situation instead of blaming
others first and foremost? What mistakes could I have avoided? I do get
angry at others but thinking that it is also partially my fault and that I can’t
expect people to be perfect really helps to let that anger go. It is not worth
holding onto. Don’t let their mistakes overshadow everything that they have
done right.
Speaking of mistakes, don’t be afraid to
admit yours. Don’t be ignorant of what you could’ve done better just because
you don’t want to feel bad about yourself. That shame of being stupid is only
temporary if you just learn from your mistakes. Allow yourself to grow by
leaving ego and pride behind. Embrace the cringe, love the cringe, be the
cringe, because then you know you have rooms to improve.
Now let’s talk about goodbye. It sucks. I don’t
think we can get used to saying goodbye because everyone has something
different to offer so each time we say goodbye to a person, we’re also saying
goodbye to that special thing. The saddest thing is, no matter how close I get
to someone, distance always has a funny way of pulling us apart. I can love them
as much as I want, and make as much promises as I can but there’s no guarantee
that memories won’t be the only thing that stays between us. And honestly, that’s
okay. Some things are meant to be ‘at the moment’ so I cherish every moment I
have spent with all the people I’ve met. I don’t wish for it to be temporary,
but if it turns out to be that, then please know that in its immortality, you
mean something to me. But if we never run out of luck, let’s have new moments
together.
Goodbye for now.
-Nik.
Nik Fateen. An introvert trying to find home in a foreign space.